Friday, 18 September 2009

Sex and the single pig

Oh my. I've been at the sharp end of pig sex. Not having a boar, and not wanting to go to the hassle of hiring in a pedigree beast and having to feed it and put up with its hugeness and unfamiliarity, Aunt Agatha has been artificially inseminated. Not just once, but three times. The vet came out to show us and then decided the sow wasn't quite ready, so came back the following morning when we all played our part, me doing the sexing up bit, pretending to be the boar (major massage, rub and general physical labour stuff) whilst the others were at the business end with a half metre long catheter and a bottle of semen.
That afternoon we were on our own, and there I was, puffing and blowing and getting my pig in the mood. First thing this morning, the third and final bottle is squished down a fresh catheter and I'm done in with the physicality of it all, whilst OH does the techie bit with a squirt of Boarmate and a-twiddling of tubes and a-squeezing of bottles. A picture of the complete sex kit is attached - Boarmate spray, semen and the corkscrew tipped catheter - without the knackered helper. If I smoked I'd be off for a fag.

10 comments:

James Higham said...

Have you considered writing a novel with that title?

Mopsa said...

Would it be a best seller, James, or just hit a niche market?

Yorkshire Pudding said...

This experiece of pig sex will undoubtedly enrich that particular part of your human journey. The expression "I'm feeling boared" will have a deeper resonance.

James Higham said...

Oh i should think it would sell like hot porkers.

Swearing Mother said...

Impregnating a pig? Whatever next? At least I hope you bought the poor sow dinner, Mopsa. :o)

Sara said...

Oh the romance of it - poor girl! Did you do the obligatory roll over & fall asleep afterwards?!! Hope it's all sucessful.

mountainear said...

I understand what you've been doing but I'm confused by the process. Perhaps better I stay that way - vivid imagination and all that.

w.v. is 'hestive' - quite descriptive in the circumstances I think.

Mopsa said...

YP - it was indeed a new experience

James - stranger things have happened - but I'd have to write it first.

SM - I buy the sow dinner and breakfast every day.

Sara - I sure felt like it!

M'ear - I was simply doing the rubbing and bouncing that a boar would do to get her receptive. See here for a more extreme version: here

John Gray jgsheffield@hotmail.com said...

can you do this for pot bellied pigs?????

Mopsa said...

John - why not? If Deerpark (the link is in the post) doesn't provide the appropriate semen they might be able to suggest someone who can